


Where the Love Light Beams

by Rini, Saklani



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-25
Updated: 2011-02-26
Packaged: 2017-10-15 23:14:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/165859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rini/pseuds/Rini, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saklani/pseuds/Saklani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared is a man without a home, just searching for a place to spend a cold night.  Jensen is a farmer, living alone after losing his long-time partner.  But when they meet one December day, they may have each found the best possible gift for Christmas</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [waterofthemoon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterofthemoon/gifts).



> This is our gift for the lovely , who requested CUDDLES FOR CHRISTMAS and fic with DOGS. She also likes lots of others things we tried to work in to the story. We hope she and others enjoy this bit of Christmas fluff.

Jared Padalecki walked down the long country road, tucking his thin coat around him to try and keep out some of the frigid winder air. Harley and Sadie trotted at his feet, looking at him with what Jared read as concern for his well-being. Up ahead, he spotted a remote ranch house with a few lights in the windows. "Well, I hope we have better luck here than at the last place we tried." He took a deep breath, straightened his shoulders and walked up toward the door, knocking politely.

Jensen sat in his living room, a small fire in the fireplace and a book on his lap. He'd not read a word in a good hour, and the knock on his door startled him out of his thoughts. Putting the book aside without care for where he was, Jensen stood up and moved to the front door, opening it and looking at the man standing outside. "Hello, may I help you?"

Jared smiled his most winning smile and widened his eyes. "I was wondering, Sir, if you might have a room or even a hayloft I could spend the night in. I'd be most happy to work off the cost of the room... and any food you might be able to spare."

Blinking at the thin man in front of him, Jensen shook his head at first. "I’m afraid I do not have any real work... but do come in. I have a spare room and some food I can share with you." He smiled and then backed up, holding the door open.

The first words lowered Jared's hopes, but then as the man opened the door, he smiled and said, "Thank you, Sir. May my dogs stay somewhere? I know that's a lot to ask, but... they're my only real friends."

Jensen looked down at the dogs, smiling at the two pups and nodding. "Of course, they are welcome to come in and stay with you."

Jared smiled even more, dimples deepening, and said, "Thank you, Sir. It's going to be a cold night." He stepped in, Harley and Sadie on his heels. They sat down as Jared got inside and turned to face their benefactor. "My name is Jared, Jared Padalecki," he said, extending a hand. “And this is Sadie and Harley.”

Taking Jared's hand, Jensen shook it firmly. "Jensen Ackles. Please come in... the kitchen is through this way." He turned and led Jared into the kitchen, gesturing him to have a seat.

Jared carefully removed his hat and coat and hung them neatly on the coat rack by the door. "Be good," he told Sadie and Harley, before snapping his fingers to indicate they should follow him. All three went to the kitchen with Jensen, and Jared took a seat at the table, the dogs lying at his feet.

"I have some leftover meatloaf or some chicken. With potatoes and green beans." Jensen smiled easily at Jared and leaned against the countertop, hands braced on the edge. "I have something I can give your pups, too," he said, turning to grab some bowls and fill them with water.

"Whatever you were going to have is fine, Sir," Jared said. "I more than appreciate the favor you're doing for me. Are you sure there's nothing I can do around your home to repay you? Not some repair or chore you'd like to get done?"

"Please call me, Jensen." Jared placed the bowls of water on the floor for the dogs and then turned back to the refrigerator to grab the meatloaf since there was more of that meal available. "Where do you come from, Jared?"

"From Texas," Jared said politely. "My father was killed in the Great War, along with my older brother, Jeff. My mama, she held on for a few years after that, long enough for me to be mostly grown, but then she joined them. I've been on my own since then... it wasn't so bad, ‘til the crash and all." He bit his lip and blushed a little, aware he had answered far more than Jensen asked.

"It has been a hard life these few years, I must agree." Jensen smiled gently at Jared, placing the meat loaf and vegetables in the oven before sitting himself at the table. "We all have our stories of loss these days. To answer your question, there is little enough to do around the farm in the winter. I have some animals that need feeding, watering and some other basic chores... and I should welcome the company if you are inclined to help me."

"I want to help," Jared said. "Such generosity as yours is much to be thankful for, and I want to show my gratitude." He hung his head a little, long hair flopping in his eyes.

Jensen smiled, reaching down to pat the smaller dog that came over to see him. "I should appreciate the help and the company during my chores. Thank you."

"There is no one else here with you?" Jared asked, surprised. He ate happily and made sure he gave Harley and Sadie pieces of meatloaf.

"No, I lost my family much as you have done." Jensen sighed quietly, pushing up from the table and pouring them both a glass of milk. "How long has it been since you've had a roof and a meal?"

"Uh, there was a government travel camp a week or so back," Jared said with a sad little smile. "That's not a homey place like this, though."

"Do you have a destination in mind, Jared?" Jensen asked, returning to the table and pushing the second glass across the table.

"Anywhere I might be able to find work," Jared said. "Legal work, that is." He offered Jensen a somewhat shy smile.

Jensen nodded and then turned to look out the window. He sucked in a slight breath and then turned to Jared, decision made. "If you should like to stay for the winter, I could use the help and would not mind having someone around for the season."

"I- you have enough work for me?" Jared asked, eyes startled wide as his head lifted to stare at Jensen.

"I do not know how much I could pay you, if anything at all." Jensen smiled apologetically. "But you could have a room here and three meals a day... your dogs too."

"Please," Jared said, raising his hands in appeal, "there is no need to even think of money. A few months of room and board to help you with your work here... that is more than enough. Especially with your kindness to my pooches."

Jensen smiled, hopeful. "Are you certain? I wouldn’t want you to feel as though the work is harder than the benefits."

"Perhaps we should speak again of this later," Jared said with a return smile. "First, you might want to see if I work out at all. You may not wish me to stay." He ducked his head again.

"Or you mightn’t want to do the work for the room." Jensen smiled again, trying to get Jared to meet his gaze. "It would be nice not to be alone all of the time."

"Yes," Jared said with a sharp nod. "I don’t like being alone." He lifted his eyes to Jensen's again with the same gentle smile. "Thank you."

"You’re welcome, and thank you for the work we’ll do in the morning." Jensen dug into his meal, feeling oddly comforted by the other man's presence.

"There’s no need to thank me for that, Jensen," Jared said. He glanced at the food and felt ashamed for not saying before, "This is wonderful, by the way."

Jensen smiled. "It’s always a good thing to thank the people who help you. I’m glad that you like it... I have had to learn, by necessity, how to cook."

"I know how to cook a few things, too. Mama taught me after dad and Jeff died. I think she knew I'd be on my own soon enough." Jared blinked back tears. He had loved his mama something fierce, and her loss still ached like a wound in his chest.

Looking down to give Jared some privacy, Jensen cleared his throat. "Would you be willing to show me some of the recipes?"

Jared swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. "I want someone else to know them, too. I've longed for someone to share them with." He forked in another bite of meatloaf and said, "And my mama would approve of someone like you knowing."

"Well, thank you for that. I should like to have something that is passed down." Jensen ate some more of his potatoes and then a bite of the meat loaf. "I just did a supply run, though it shan't last us the normal amount of time, so we’ll have to take another trip to town."

"I won't eat you out of house and home," Jared promised. "Just my fair share for the work we do. And really, Jensen, try and think of something, anything, that we can get done together that you could not do alone. I want to be useful."

Jensen nodded. "I shall try and think of something. Perhaps you might notice something you could do."

"I’ll look around and see if there is anything I might do to be of help," Jared said, back straightening with intent. He finished his food, offering a few last pieces to the pooches. "May I wash the dishes?"

"Please. If you can do that, I shall set up some space in the spare room for you and your dogs." Jensen pushed his plate across to Jared, a couple of pieces left there for the dogs as well.

Jared noticed the food left by his new, dare he say friend, on the plate for Harley and Sadie, and felt himself choke up again. Such kindness from a perfect stranger, when he had gotten used to being scorned, or even hit, at best. "Thank you," he murmured.

"You're welcome, Jared. I hope you’re content to be here for the season." Jensen pushed back from the table, clapping a hand gently on Jared's shoulder before moving out of the kitchen and down the hall to the guest room.

Jared knelt beside the dogs and fed them Jensen's leftovers. "I think we've finally found a bit of luck. Let's make sure to make the most of it and help out Jensen."  
~~~~~~~~~~

Jared carefully arranged the next shingle on the broken barn roof, glad that Texas winters tended to be high on cold, but low on snow. In many parts of the United States, there would be no fixing a roof in winter, even one as badly in need of it as this one. Jensen's poor animals huddled together for warmth, as the evil winds crept through the aged wood walls and roof. Jared had vowed to fix the barn before he left, make it a shrine for the animals. As always when he worked on the high, slanted roof, he could feel the eyes of Harley and Sadie on him from the ground.

Sadie and Harley barked below Jared, letting him know it was starting to get dark and he should get down now. He laughed a little as they ran in circles, trying to get him to the ground. He put the last shingles in place over the largest hole in the roof and smiled in satisfaction, before climbing carefully down. "Aww, are you two worried about me?"

Jensen finished washing the lunch dishes, not allowing Jared to try and take over that task when he spent so much of his time working on the barn. He set them aside so they could air dry and then wiped his hands on the dish towel. Moving into the front parlor, Jensen settled in his regular seat. He knew that Jared would take time to close up his work, most likely play with the dogs and possibly even get started on dinner before he came in to relax so Jensen pulled out his current book to read.

Jared carefully cleaned and put away his tools, before rolling around a little with the dogs. When they were finally exhausted, all three headed for the house. "I'm in," he called, knowing Jensen would be in the living room with a book. "I need to wash. Can we listen to the radio when I'm done? The Kate Smith Christmas show is on tonight."

"Of course. I’ll put something in the oven for dinner while you shower," Jensen called out, placing his book aside and pushing to his feet to move toward the kitchen.

"Thanks, Jen," Jared said, popping his head in to smile at Jensen. He'd taken to calling Jensen by the affectionate nickname all of three days after accepting his offer of room and board for work. He had already begun to feel at home on Jensen's farm after those few days, and the week that followed only strengthened that sensation.

Jensen smiled at Jared. "Would you rather chicken and vegetables or a casserole?"

"Casserole?" Jared asked, smiling hopefully. Harley and Sadie trotted over to Jensen and sat at his feet, looking up at him with equal hopefulness for a handout.

"Definitely. It should be easy to put together and can cook while we listen to the radio." Jensen smiled and crouched down to pet the dogs. "And there may even be a treat for the pups at dinner, too."

Jared beamed and said, "You're the best, Jen. I'm going to wash the grime off myself now. I won't be long."

Jensen chuckled. "Take your time." He stood again and washed his hands before pulling out several of the ingredients for a baked noodle casserole. Jensen chatted at the dogs, who sat just out of range, hopeful that he would toss them some tidbits.

Jared took a thorough, but quick, shower and returned to the kitchen, dressed in some ill-fitting, but clean, clothes he had borrowed from Jensen. He stopped by Jensen and asked, "How can I help?"

"Why don't you put on some tea for us and then feed the pups? They must be hungry after all of their activities." Jensen smiled over his shoulder, but went back to combining the ingredients in his casserole dish.

Jared chuckled a little and put some water on for them. Jensen was the first person he knew who liked to drink tea. He then stirred up some food for Harley and Sadie, feeding them in the special corner Jensen had set up with bowls, water and old towels for them to make a mess on.

Once Jensen had filled the casserole dish, he slid it into the oven and then looked at the clock. "It'll be a good forty minutes, if not a bit longer, until dinner is ready. Do you want to listen to the radio program?"

"Yes," Jared said with a bounce in his step as he headed for the living room. He had not been able to look forward to Christmas for several years, but now, he had a place to spend it and a friend to spend it with. He fiddled with the radio knob and found Kate Smith's voice, already saying hello to everyone and preparing to begin the music program. He sat down on the floor like a kid and beamed.

Jensen followed Jared into the parlor and sat in his usual chair with a smile on his face. He was slowly getting used to Jared's air of innocence. Even though the other man had lost so much, he took pleasure in the simple things around them. "Is this a tradition for you, Jared?"

"I've just always liked Christmas," Jared said. "The way my family used to hold it, especially. That was a long time ago... but I guess I always could feel dad and Jeff around when the season came. Like they were close somehow." He shut his eyes as Kate Smith began to sing ‘Silent Night.’

"I hope this will be a good Christmas for you," Jensen said, sitting back and closing his eyes to let the music wash over him. It had been a long time since he'd allowed himself to think about the holidays.

"Can we get a tree, Jen?" Jared asked, glancing back at his host. "I can take care of decorating it and everything."

"Sure," Jensen said, head tipped back on his chair. "There are boxes upon boxes of decorations in the loft of the barn.”

Jared beamed and said, "Thank you, Jensen. It'll be nice to have a tree. Do you want to decorate it with me?"

Jensen opened his eyes, looking at Jared with a slightly haunted expression. "Yeah, but we'll see once we have the tree."

Jared read the expression, one he had seen on his own face far too many times and crept closer to Jensen. "We don't have to have a tree, Jen, not if you don't want one. It was just an idea. This is your home," he babbled.

"No, Jared, I'd like to have a tree again... it's just been a long, long time." Jensen forced a small smile onto his face and shrugged slightly.

Jared reached out without thought and put a gentle hand on Jensen's right leg, rubbing soothing circles on his calf. "Do you want to tell me?"

"It was a long time again, Jared. I lost my family, much as you have, and it's been only me. I just had never really thought about having a Christmas again." Jensen shrugged, sheepish, but not wanting to upset Jared or change his mind about the tree.

Jared ducked his head and nodded, feeling sorrow like a weight on his own shoulders. "You keep waiting for it to get better, don't you? And somehow... it never does, not completely. You think you'll turn a corner, and there everyone will be, just like they should be."

Jensen nodded. "Yeah, exactly, only it’s been years, and it doesn't ever seem to change or to go away."

"Maybe it's being on our own," Jared said softly. "Not having anybody else to share with, so we keep looking for the people we used to have."

"I would say that’s likely. It’s not easy to spend your life alone when you’re used to sharing it." Jensen reached out and rested his hand on Jared's shoulder. "I didn't mean to interrupt your program."

Jared lifted his head to look into Jensen's eyes and smiled, a hint of sadness in his expression. "You're not. This is important. I like having someone to talk to again."

"As do I. It's lonely living out here away from the world." Jensen smiled back at Jared, knowing that they both had a lifetime of sadness between them. "I’m glad you wandered to my door."

Kate Smith began singing 'Oh Holy Night' in the background, and Jared smiled, thinking this the perfect moment for his favorite carol.  "I am, too, Jen.  I've not been so lucky since before mama died."   
"It's a good time of year to make new friends," Jensen replied, squeezing Jared's arm lightly.

Jared blushed and ducked his head, hiding the wetness in his eyes as Jensen confirmed that they were indeed friends.  Harley and Sadie emerged from the kitchen and trotted over to curl up beside Jared on the floor.  He scooted around so he could lean against the side of Jensen's chair, petting both dogs absently.   
   
Jensen closed his eyes again, trying to get the image of Jared and the dogs out of his mind.  He'd become used to their presence in his home over the past week and didn’t want to imagine the loneliness he'd feel once they moved on.  "Such lovely music," Jensen said, lack of anything better coming to him.

Jared smiled and said, "She really does sing like you imagine an angel might.  I feel like things will turn out all right when I hear her sing... especially these songs."   
"Her voice is beautiful.  Listening to her sing about Christmas gives me hope, makes me feel like anything is possible at this time of year."  Jensen itched to drop his hand on Jared's head, to touch the strands, but knew that it would be unwelcome and then Jared would leave and Jensen would be all alone again.  Instead, he made a fist out of his hands and dropped both into his lap.

"Oh, I wish I could sing," Jared said mournfully.  "Sadie sounds better than I do."  He sighed, before chuckling a little at himself.  "Even mama would wince when I used to sing carols with the family."  
Jensen chuckled.  "I'm certain that she loved to hear you just the same," he said, humming quietly.  "We used to sing here too, every season."

"We could sing together," Jared said, looking up at Jensen.  "If you don't mind listening to me.  I have a lot of enthusiasm... even if I lack talent."  
"Of course I don't mind.  It would be nice to sing again," Jensen said, opening his eyes to meet Jared's gaze.  He felt his heart speed up and concentrated on calming himself down.

Jared grinned and said, "And there are no neighbors to complain when I yowl on my high notes, and Harley and Sadie join in."  He patted Jensen's right calf once in a friendly manner.  "I want to do that."  
Jensen chuckled.  "Let me check on the casserole and when a good song comes on, we can have a quartet."

Jared hopped up to go look at the casserole with Jensen, the smell of good food even better than the music.  "Do you sing well?"  
"I have been told that I do, but do not really have a way to judge that on my own.  It’s been a long time since I have sung for anyone."  Jensen smiled at Jared, opening the oven and lifting the foil wrap off one corner.  "A bit longer and supper should be ready."

Jared leaned down and inhaled deeply, mouth watering.  "I want to eat it now," he said with a little pout.  "You make such good food."  
Jensen flushed faintly.  "Thank you.  I rather like the meals you make for us too."  He closed the oven up again.  "Would you rather we eat in the parlor so we can listen to the radio?"

"Oh, may we?" Jared asked, bouncing a little.  "I think they are doing a choir singing more carols after Kate Smith.  We can sing with them and not sound so odd."  
"Sounds perfect to me."  Jensen smiled at Jared, aching for the easy company he'd often had with Jake.  "Why don't you pour us some milk, and I'll get the plates ready."  He enjoyed having someone around again, the flow of another person sharing the house with him.

Impulsively, Jared hugged Jensen, arms tight around him.  He had always been a toucher, giving friends and family alike big hugs and all kinds of affectionate touches.  He missed having people to share that with, so his response to Jensen was instinctive and helpless.  "Thank you, Jen!"  He blushed suddenly and stepped back.

Jensen returned the hug briefly before Jared pulled away.  "Don’t worry about it, Jared.  I do not mind."  He blushed slightly and turned toward the cabinet, pulling down a set up plates to serve their supper onto.

"Really?" Jared asked, hope in his voice.  "I always did like to give hugs to my friends.  I miss having someone to hug.  My mama said I had magnetic hands, when it came to people I like."  
   
Chuckling, Jensen shook his head slightly at Jared.  "That suits what I know of you.  I truly do not mind hugs, Jared.  They’re nice."

Jared instantly hugged Jensen again, careful of the plates in his hands.  He rested his cheek briefly in soft hair and then pulled away again.  "Milk, check."  He headed for the icebox.

Jensen took a deep breath once Jared had let him go, putting the plates on the counter with shaky hands and reminding himself that Jared was simply a friendly, lonely man.  He didn't mean anything with his nearness or his touching.  Once Jensen had himself back under control, he collected the silverware they would need and then grabbed some cloth napkins.  "We have a couple of small trays in the parlor if you would like to set them up."

"All right."  Jared poured two full glasses of milk and carried them into the parlor.  He set them carefully out of reach of the pups, while he set up the trays.  "Need help with the food, Jen?"

"I've got it.  Just settle in, Jared."  Jensen pulled the casserole out of the oven to cool and then walked the napkins and silverware into the parlor.  It was a homey sight with Jared in the chair, the milk sitting out and the two dogs curled up on the rug.  He smiled to himself and then went to plate up their supper before carrying the food into the parlor.

Jared smiled at Jensen and murmured, "Thank you," as the food was set in front of him.  He waited for Jensen to settle and begin eating, before digging in himself.  But once he did, he plowed through the food.  "This is very good, best yet."  
Jensen flushed at Jared's praise.  "That was a holiday casserole mom made every Friday night of the season.  I am glad you enjoy it."

"I still miss my mama everyday," Jared said softly, "but somehow, not as badly since I came here.  You make everything better, Jen."

"You do the same for me, Jared.  It is not as easy to miss my family with someone here."  Jensen smiled shyly at Jared.

Jared felt an unfamiliar twinge inside from Jensen's smile and ducked his head on a slight blush.  "I think the choir program is about to start.  Still want to sing with me and the pups?"

"Of course."  Jensen smiled, nibbling at his food, lingering since he did not want the evening to end.  "It shall be a nice end to our weekend."

"That was a weekend?" Jared asked.  "How could I tell?"  He rubbed a hand through his mop of hair.

Jensen laughed.  "I could tell because we took time for Sunday dinner, but you have made a habit of hard work this week."  He sipped at his milk, thinking before he continued to speak.  "I appreciate the efforts you’re putting in, Jared.  They’re far more than I expected."

Jared laughed, too, eyes sparkling and dimples widening.  "I don't know what you expected, but I feel I am only doing what I owe you for opening your home to me and my pups.  We would be lost without your help."

"And I should be lost without your assistance around here.  I have no idea how anything got done without you," Jensen said, meaning every word.

"I think you did a marvelous job, considering you were alone," Jared said, earnestness in his voice and expression.  "I was just glad to find some way to make myself useful to you."  He brightened as the choir program began.  "Oh, Jingle Bells!"  He began to sing, horribly off key, and the two dogs instantly began to whine and howl with him.  
   
Jensen chuckled at Jared.  He was not remotely kidding about his bad singing, but Jensen was charmed anyway.  With all of the pain and loss he'd experienced, Jensen expected that Jared should be bitter and unhappy, but he was completely the opposite.  Waiting until the chorus, Jensen finally joined in.

Jared grinned as Jensen began to sing and scooted closer to hear him.  His eyes widened when he realized how well Jensen sang.  He shut his eyes and concentrated on listening to Jensen's voice.

With a smile for Jared, Jensen continued to sing.  He finally relaxed enough into it to sing loud and clear, though Jensen shut his eyes while doing so.  For many years, he'd sung in church and to please his family.  Then they'd discovered his secret and declared him no longer a part of their lives or their church.

They swung through the final chorus, everyone ending their note or howl at the same time, and Jared laughed in delight, head thrown back.  "Oh, Jen, I'm sorry.  You're the only one who can sing!"

"It is the process of singing that is important, Jared... not the tone or quality.  If you enjoy it, you should do it everyday."  Jensen flushed at his own advice, knowing he'd not done so in a long time.

"Will you sing with me everyday?" Jared asked.  "If you do, I'll sing everyday.  Promise."  He crossed his heart with one hand.

Jensen smiled.  "If you'd like.  We can sing carols every night here in the parlor."

The very idea made Jared flush with pleasure, and he moved his tray so he could get up and sit at Jensen's feet, leaning against him a little.  Harley and Sadie moved to sit beside him.  The choir began to sing ‘Let It Snow,’ and Jared and his pups joined in.

Taking a deep breath, Jensen closed his eyes and let himself soak in the moment.  Then he opened his eyes, parted his lips and joined Jared and the pups in their impromptu evening choir.  He reached out hesitantly and let his fingers graze the strands of Jared's hair that were lying on his leg, smiling when Jared did nothing more than lean into him.  
~~~~~~~~~~


	2. Chapter 2

Harley and Sadie ran in excited circles, barking at the top of their lungs, as Jared and Jensen unloaded the small fir tree from the back of Jensen's old truck.  Jared's cheeks were red with cold and happiness, and he scurried toward the house with their tree.  "Hurry, Jen!"

Jensen laughed.  "Take your time, Jay.  We need to be sure that we can get it through the front door without damaging it too much."  He hurried up, nonetheless, finding himself hard pressed to deny his friend anything -including a solo song or two in the evening.

"Fussbudget," Jared said with a laugh, but slowed down to ease the tree through the big door, after letting Harley and Sadie bound inside.  "I can't believe we found such a perfect tree!"

"Oh you!" Jensen easily teased back.  "It is perfect; now let's just hope it's not too tall for the room."  Jensen had not been able to convince Jared that the tree needed to be his own height or shorter, so Jensen was worried it would be too tall, though he knew that Jared would fix it somehow if needed.

Jared, with Jensen, carried the tree to the corner of the living room where they had set up the tree stand. When he set it upright, the top brushed the ceiling and bent over. "Oops. Looks like I do need to trim a few inches off the bottom."

Jensen chuckled. "Nearly a foot if we're going to put something on top," Jensen teased him, not that he cared any which way. It was nice to simply have a tree in the house again, and someone excited at the prospect.

Jared blushed and stuck out his tongue at Jensen. "I thought these old farmhouses had high ceilings," he said. "What good is a ceiling that's not ten feet high?"

Laughing, Jensen shook his head. "It's a lot harder to heat something that big." He punched Jared's arm lightly. "Why don't you go get the saw, and I'll heat up some cocoa."

Jared grinned and carefully lay the tree on its side. "Marshmallows?"

"If you're really, really good," Jensen teased, disappearing into the kitchen with a laugh.

"Aw, please, Jen?" Jared asked, following after him with a hangdog expression.

"Oh God, of course you can have marshmallows, Jay." Jensen nudged him again, smiling and pleased at Jared's playfulness.

Jared wrapped Jensen in a huge hug and pressed their foreheads together. "Thank you, Jen," he said, smiling.

Jensen blushed, still getting used to Jared's hands-on affection. "Anytime, Jay. Like to see you smiling and happy."

"You always make me both," Jared said and squeezed Jensen again, before heading out the door for the saw. Both dogs raced out with him, eager and happy.

Bracing his hands on the counter top, Jensen dropped his head forward and took a few deep breaths. He closed his eyes and then finally looked up to watch Jared playing with the dogs out in the yard on his way to the barn. "You've got to get over this," he said to himself, shaking his head slightly and reprimanding himself for seeing hope in Jared's behavior.

Jared came back in a few minutes later with the saw and headed for the tree. Sadie detoured to see if Jensen would give her any treats, but Harley moved to watch Jared remove a foot from the bottom of the tree, singing happily as he did. "Can we listen to the radio tonight? Jack Benny is leading up to his Christmas show."

"Of course," Jensen called back, stirring the milk in the pan on the stove. He watched it carefully, taking the time to make Jared real melted hot chocolate. "I wouldn't want to deviate from our nightly traditions."

Jared paused in his sawing to ask, voice somehow hushed, "Are they, Jen? Traditions?"

Jensen blinked. "I hadn't really thought about it before, but yes... they are our traditions now."

Jared wandered into the kitchen, still holding the saw, eyes big and bright. He went right to Jensen and wrapped him up in a hug. "Thank you."

Wrapping his arms around Jared, Jensen hugged him back. "Thank you... for starting new traditions with me."

Jared sniffled a little and murmured, "I never thought to have Christmas traditions again. No time soon, anyway."

"Me either, Jared. But slowly, we're building them around each other, I think." Jensen bit his lip, afraid of having said too much, of having presumed too much. He knew Jared would move on once he had a chance and tried hard not to get too attached to him.

Jared pulled back a little and nodded at Jensen, wanting to tell him that he never wanted to leave, but afraid of being presumptuous. "We are. I'm so glad, Jen."

Jensen smiled. "Me too. Now go get that tree set up before I burn the cocoa." He lightly patted Jared's back, needing a few moments alone again.

"All right, Jen." Jared paused at the entrance to smile back at Jensen, before returning to his work on the tree. He began to sing 'Silent Night' with Sadie and Harley on chorus.

Taking another breath, Jensen went back to the cocoa on the stove with a smile. He was enjoying his time with Jared, hoping that they could have a good holiday season before he had to be all alone again.

Jared got the tree up and straight with a bit of effort. He smiled at the perfect tree, already picturing it with candles, lights and ornaments. "Jen, want to see?"

"Coming," Jensen replied, quickly pouring the cocoa into the mugs and topping them both with marshmallows. He added double the amount to Jared's and then picked up the mugs and carried them into the parlor.

Jared stood back and waited for Jensen to join him. "It's perfect!" he said. "Look, Jen."

Jensen smiled at Jared, gaze taking in the tree, but settling on his friend. "Absolutely perfect," he said. "Here, take your cocoa."

Jared took his cocoa, deliberately brushing his fingers over Jensen's and shivering, and sipped. "Mmm, extra marshmallows. You already know exactly how I like it."

"You always want as much sugar as you can get," Jensen teased, shivering from the contact. "This is going to be a lovely Christmas tree, Jared."

"May we start decorating, Jen?" Jared asked. "I can get dinner going and then we can start to put on the candles."

Jensen chuckled. "Of course. Why don't we both go get the decorations out of the barn and then you can start dinner."

"Hooray!" Jared yelled and bounced a little, not wanting to spill his precious cocoa. "After we drink this."

"Let's sit and stare at the perfect tree." Jensen nudged Jared toward his usual seat before settling into his own chair.

Jared paused and then headed to sit at Jensen's feet, preferring that spot. He leaned against the chair and Jensen's right leg, smiling up at the tree. Harley and Sadie sat nearby. "It is a perfect tree."

Jensen grinned, aching to reach out and touch Jared. Instead, he curled both hands around his mug of cocoa. "And you picked it out."

"You helped," Jared said and leaned his head against Jensen's knee briefly. "You passed on several I suggested to begin with."

"Those were far too tall, Jay. They were just not right, but you saw this one and that was the end of it." Jensen bumped his knee lightly into Jared's head, only enough to nudge at him. "You have a great eye for what will fill up the space."

"I fill up a lot of space, so I have an eye for big things," Jared said and then snickered at the complete lack of sense in that statement. He sipped more of his cocoa and said, "The last Christmas tree I had was before I lost mama's house, a few months after she died. It was a scrawny little thing, barely half my size, but all I could get." He sniffled a little. "They took everything... the bank."

Jensen bit his lip, angry for Jared and pained at his loss. "I am so sorry that you lost your mama's house, Jared." He reached out and stroked his hand over Jared's hair, fingers brushing Jared's forehead.

Jared turned into the touch and pressed up. "Thank you, Jen. We never had a lot of money, and mama spent most on me, so I could get an education. Not that is has done me much good."

"I am certain she is proud of you, of all that you have done. These are hard times, Jared." Jensen stroked his forehead again, wishing he could do something to help Jared get his home back.

Jared sniffled and pressed more into the soothing touch.  "Yeah, I know.  I'm no different from a lot of people who lost everything and headed out on the road.  'Cept, I'm luckier.  I found you."

Jensen smiled softly at Jared, even though he couldn't see it.  "You are a good man, Jared Padalecki, and your mama would be proud of that no matter.  You've fallen on hard times, but haven’t let them affect you from what I can see.  Be proud of yourself."

Jared felt the sting of tears again and pressed closer to Jensen, taking comfort from his friend's presence and kind words.  "Sometimes, I worry that I’ll become like some of the other people out on the road.  So desperate that I'll do anything to survive.  And then I think of my mama and know that I never can let that happen to me."

"Nor would your mama let that happen to you.  I would not be surprised if she is looking out for you and led you here."  Jensen smiled, the thought of Jared's mama still helping him one that he dearly hoped was true. 

Jared smiled at the idea and asked softly, "What about your family, Jen?”

Jensen smiled sadly.  "My family is not around.  They -uh- well, do not have anything to do with me."  He rubbed his hand over Jared's hair and tried not to be sad about the fact that they didn't seem to love him any longer.

Jared turned to look up at Jensen, the answer confusing to him.  They were alive, but wanted nothing to do with Jensen?  He could not understand such a thing.  The whole point of family was to take care of each other.  He pressed more into Jensen's touch and said, "I'm sorry, Jen.  I don't understand how any family could have as fine a man as you in it and not want to be around."

"Thank you, Jared.  It's complicated and part of why I live out here all alone now."  Jensen tugged gently on his hair.  "It's not a bad life, especially since you have stopped in."

Jared playfully swatted Jensen for pulling his hair and said, "I like being here, Jen.  Your home is as warm as any I ever lived in.  I mean, it feels warm... homey."  He blushed a little at his stammering.

Jensen smiled again, the praise warming him.  "I have always tried to have a comfortable place to live, Jared.  It's been awhile since anyone else has been here, but I'm glad to share it with you."

"May I ask... how long have you been alone, Jen?  You do not seem to be the sort of man who should live alone."  Jared rubbed his right leg gently, hoping he would not upset his friend.

"It has been nearly five years now... or will be come spring."  Jensen shrugged slightly.  "I am, or was, quite used to living alone, though you being here has shown me how lonely it truly was."

"Five years?" Jared asked and sat up to hug his friend, arms strong and tight.  "Why do you stay here alone?"

Jensen smiled, wrapping his arms around Jared.  "This is my home.  It's a home that I made with someone I loved very much, but I still do not want to leave even now that I am alone."

"You lost your wife?" Jared asked, eyes wide and sympathetic.  He hugged Jensen even tighter, knowing what it felt like to live in a home that echoed with the remembrance of those you loved.

"No, not my wife... I've never been married."  Jensen hugged Jared tightly and then sat back, breaking the embrace.  "I shared my life with a man named Jake until he was killed nearly five years ago."

Still on his knees and facing Jensen, Jared felt his eyes go wide and mouth unhinge a little at the words.  He had heard, vaguely, of men who loved other men, but knew nothing more about them, except that 'polite' society scorned and shunned them.  "That's why you do not see your family," he said, many things making more sense to him now.  "Oh, Jen.  That's... not fair."

Jensen chuckled harshly and smiled sadly at Jared.  "It is not fair at all, but my family is very Christian and they believe that our souls, mine and Jake's, will be rotting in Hell come Judgment Day and do not want to be associated with such sinners.  I cannot fault them for their beliefs, even if I do not believe it is wrong to love."

"It would be a terrible god indeed who would banish a good man for loving," Jared said.  His mother had believed in a god, but not the fiery, vengeful one of the Bible, instead a kind, understanding one, who refrained from judgement.  He frowned, eyes sad and added, "I am sorry you lost both your family and your love, Jen.  What- what happened to Jake?  You don't have to tell me."

"I don't know that I’ll ever truly know."  Jensen shook his head, eyes haunted.  "Jake did not come home one night, and I went out to find him.  It appeared as though he'd had an accident on his horse- gotten thrown and possibly dragged.  But I believe something had to have been repeatedly spooking the horse for that to have happened."

"You think someone killed him?" Jared asked, voice hushed and scared.  He shook his head, denying the very notion that someone could have hurt Jensen and the man he loved deliberately.  And then he stood and scooped Jensen right out of the chair and into his arms for a Jared Padalecki all-encompassing hug.

Jensen hugged back, curling into his body in relief that Jared wasn't going to treat him differently.  "I don't know, Jay.  I have no idea if he simply fell or if someone wanted him hurt."

"What a terrible thing to have to think," Jared breathed and rested his chin on top of Jensen's head, feeling fiercely protective of his friend.  "I don't want to leave you alone again, Jen."

Jensen hugged Jared tighter.  "Well, you’re not planning to leave at the moment, so we should enjoy our tree, right?"  He blinked back tears at thoughts of Jake and of Jared leaving.

"I mean... I can stay on, if you want me to.  I'll earn my keep, Jen.  I'm a good worker, and when the season turns again, I can help you with the planting and stuff."  Jared trembled a little at the thought of having to go.

"Would you really want to?  I mean, there's little in the way of life out here, and you're still young enough that you could go make a life and find someone to marry, Jared."  Jensen ached at the idea of being alone again, of being without Jared.

Jared pressed a soft, friendly kiss to the top of Jensen's head and whispered, "You are kind to say so, but I have nothing to offer anyone, Jen.  Except you.  I like that I have something to offer you, something I think is of value.  If you want it."

Jensen nodded, closing his eyes and pretending for a moment that Jared wanted to stay because of him.  "Of course, I would like you to stay.  You're assistance and company is of high value to me, Jared."

"You mean it?" Jared asked, voice cracking a little.  He drew back to grin at Jensen.  "We'll be the best friends ever, Jen.  We'll make this the best farm in Texas together!"  He bounced a little and then pulled Jensen close again.  "Neither of us will have to be lonely anymore."

Laughing slightly, Jensen hugged Jared tight.  "We'll be the best of friends, Jared.  Definitely."  If his heart hurt a bit at the idea of spending all of his time with Jared just as friends, no one else had to know.  
~~~~~~~~~~

After another long day of fixing up Jensen's barn, which was finally near done, Jared bounced into the newly fallen snow, happy it had waited until the roof was repaired, but joyful that it had decided to snow before Christmas.  He cast a sly glance at Jensen, who looked equally delighted with the progress on the barn, and then bounced a snowball off his side.

Jensen spluttered when the snowball hit his shoulder and showered him with snow.  He turned, blinking at Jared, and then grinned wickedly, ducking down to pack a handful of snow and fling it directly at Jared's chest.

The snowball splattered all over Jared's front, showering his face with little specks.  "It's war!" he declared and starting flinging handfuls of snow at Jensen, getting them all over.  Harley and Sadie, bounding around them and barking with excitement, each managed to get one in the face.

Jensen laughed, crouched down and made a series of smaller snowballs so that he'd have some ammunition ready.  Picking them up quickly, he fired them off, machine-gun style, at Jared and the dogs.

Harley yipped as one of the snowballs splashed off his nose and turned tail.  Sadie barked and ran in excited circles, not sure what to do.  Meanwhile, Jared took three rapid fire shots to the legs, before splashing a big snowball off Jensen's hip.

"C'mon, Jared.  You can do better than that," Jensen taunted him, shooting a few more snowballs directly at Jared's chest again and splattering them all.  He hooted with laughter and ran a bit of a distance away to start another pile of ammunition.

Jared shook himself off like a big dog and yelled, "Sadie, charge!"  He streamed straight for Jensen, Sadie bounding at his heels, and tackled his friend into the snow.

Jensen laughed, falling back into the snow when Jared plowed right into him.  He was glad that the show really did cushion his fall and couldn't stop laughing and smashing handfuls of snow on Jared's head.

Jared grappled with Jensen in the snow, trying to prevent him from splattering more snow on him, while also trying to stuff some snow his shirt.  "Surrender foul villain!"

"Never!" Jensen countered, smashing another snowball on top of Jared's head.  They were both going to be soaked by the time they made their way inside, but Jensen was having more fun than he'd had in a long, long time.

"Argh!" Jared yelled, as more wet snow cascaded down his neck, back and shoulders.  He pressed Jensen down with his body, trying to still his squirming and catch his hands.  "I'll get you yet!"

Chuckling, Jensen shook his head.  "Not a chance, Jay."  Jensen wriggled under Jared, trying to get himself loose and continually grabbing up handfuls of snow to help him slip away from Jared.

As Jensen wiggled beneath Jared, their bodies pressed together in ways Jared had never touched another adult. He felt himself begin to warm up internally and then his sex hardened in a way he only knew from mornings. With a gasp, he pushed himself back from Jensen and landed at an awkward angle in the snow.

Jensen's eyes widened when he felt Jared hard against him, but quickly schooled his expression into his normal teasing one. "Gonna get you, Jay." Grabbing a couple of fistfuls of snow, Jensen rolled toward him and pressed the snow to Jared's head.

Jared stared at him in shock for a second, snow dripping down his head, and then smiled, soft, shy and grateful. "Guess you win, Jen."

Grinning at Jared, Jensen let his care for Jared warm his eyes. "Of course I do, I'm older." He reached out and dusted off Jare'd hair before rolling and pushing himself to his feet. "Let's go dry off and have some cocoa."

Jared nodded and hauled himself to his feet. "Thank you," he said, "for not being mad."

"Being mad about what, Jared?" Jensen asked, completely confused.

Flushing, Jared gestured to his still hard cock and said, "I've never had that happen before. I didn't mean to disrespect you..."

Jensen shook his head and chuckled slightly. "That is not disrespectful, Jared. If it means for you what it means for me, then it is a compliment." He smiled and nudged Jared's shoulder to push him toward the house.

Jared blushed even more, shame at his lack of experience. He knew what it meant, he did, but there had never been anyone who had made him respond physically, or emotionally, the way Jensen did. But Jensen obviously still loved the man he had lost, and Jared promised to be his friend, to help keep him from being lonely. And now, he had sullied that with his inappropriate feelings.

Sighing slightly, Jensen wrapped his arm around Jared and tugged him into a hug. "Don't let it upset you okay, Jared. I promise that I'm not upset, okay?" He leaned against his friend, just wanting his smile out of him.

"I don't want to ruin this," Jared said. "I don't want anything to spoil our friendship and all the fun we're going to have."

"It'll only spoil it if you let it, Jared." Jensen hugged him tighter. "It doesn't spoil or change how I feel about you... got it?"

"May I- may I ask... with Jake... how did you know what to do?" Jared asked, shy, unsure, but wanting desperately to know.

Jensen blushed. "I didn't, not really." He leaned against Jared. "He and I were both new to the feelings, and we kind of fumbled around at it together. There's no shame in not knowing what to do or how you feel about it."

"I had a feeling for a girl I grew up with, Sandy, but we never courted or anything. Mama was sick by then, and I knew I had nothing to offer." Jared wrapped an arm tight around himself. "I've never felt it again... 'til now."

"I doesn't have to mean anything, Jared," Jensen said, hugging him close and then stepping back enough so they could look at each other. "Or it could mean everything, but you don't have to know or decide that right now either."

"What- what could it mean, Jen?" Jared asked, grasping Jensen's biceps and clinging. "What is everything?"

Jensen blushed and ducked his head before looking up at Jared. "I mean that it could change your life. You could decide that you are interested in men and want to pursue that... or you could realize that you are interested in me and need to decide what you want to do about that."

"Oh," Jared said, as if sucker-punched. "What- what am I allowed to do about that?"

"Why don't you think what you want to do about it?" Jensen smiled and then stroked his hand up and down Jared's arm. "We can talk about it as much as you want."

"You mean you might- you're not-" Jared shook his head to clear the clutter of words and snuggled Jensen into him. "Thank you."

Jensen hugged Jared tight. He didn't want to sway Jared into wanting him or try to convince Jared that he should love him. "We're friends, right? That's what friends do."

Jared felt his hopes plummet and whispered, "Yeah, we're friends, Jen. And friends understand even the stuff that's hard."

"What's wrong, Jay?" Jensen asked, tipping his head for Jared to look at him.

"I thought you meant that you wanted- you maybe wanted me to try," Jared whispered, shamed and fearful.

Jensen pulled Jared back into his arms. "Only if that's what you find that you want, Jay." He closed his eyes and pressed their foreheads together. "I would like nothing more, but it's something you have to decide for yourself... not because of me."

"You would?" Jared asked, hope and wonder etched deep. "You mean that, Jen?" He stared into Jensen's green eyes, noticing how lovely they were somewhere deep and near painful in his chest.

"I do, Jay." Jensen smiled at him, hope shining in his own eyes. "But this is new for you, and you need to really think about how you feel."

"I- all right... how long do I have to wait to decide?" Jared asked, feeling silly for asking, but unable to help himself. His mouth crooked up in a huge smile.

Jensen laughed, holding Jared's arms. "You can decide whenever you want, Jay. There's no time line, but this all happened just now."

"I just don't know what to do," Jared blurted, unable to help himself. "I missed getting by all the awkward parts, cause I never got to do this. I feel like I'm going to go about it all wrong, and you'll wonder why I'm so pathetic. You were in love before, Jen. You know what that's like... I don't even know what it's like to want to be properly introduced to someone."

Sobering up, Jensen nodded at Jared's fears and concerns. "I promise that there's no right or wrong way to do this. It's as individual as we are, and I won't ever think you're pathetic."

Jared took Jensen's words to heart and smiled, before timidly kissing his forehead.  "Do we- do we court?"

"I think that would be a wonderful place to start, though we have to be careful and should not be seen doing anything like courting in town, Jared."  Jensen was terribly afraid that something could happen to either of them.

"Oh, yes, I understand," Jared said, nodding and hugging Jensen.  "There's nothing much in town to do anyway.  The General Store is the only thing there."  
Jensen laughed.  "True, but we do go in weekly to get supplies and such.  Time for cocoa?"

"Cocoa is always good," Jared said and then shivered a little.  "And I'm getting a little chilly.  You throw a mean snowball!" 

Grinning wickedly, Jensen nodded.  "Had to keep up with Josh when I was a kid... and Mackenzie was a mean snowball player too."  He stepped toward Jared with a softer smile.  "Let's go inside. You can get warmed up, and I'll make your cocoa just the way you like it."

"Jeff was a good snowball thrower, too, but I was pretty little when he left."  Jared pressed against Jensen, feeling the loss of both their families keenly.  "I want cocoa." 

"You can have all the cocoa you can drink."  Jensen tightened his arm around Jared, turning them toward the house and then calling for Harley and Sadie.  "I'll make you some stew for dinner tonight, yeah?  I haven't made that recipe yet."

Harley and Sadie bounding at their heels, Jared walked with Jensen, pressed tight against him.  He already thought of this place as home and promised himself to win Jensen's heart for his own, even if he had no idea how to go about doing so.  "Stew... sounds perfect for such a chilly night."  He pressed a soft kiss to the top of Jensen's crown.  "I'll start a fire." 

Jensen smiled and rubbed Sadie's head when she pushed up next to him.  "A nice night in with our traditional singing, right?" he asked, leaning into Jared's side and letting him know that Jensen definitely enjoyed his touches.

"Oh no," Jared groaned, "tonight is operatic carols.  I mean, I love them... but I really will sound awful."  He dimpled down at Jensen, happiness lighting up his whole face.

"It'll be fine. Besides, I love our blended sounds."  Jensen squeezed Jared's waist and then pulled away from him to let the dogs into the house before them.  He stepped inside and chuckled when his glasses fogged up, taking them off and waving them about to clear them up.

Jared smiled as Jensen fussed with his glasses, stomped the snow off his boots and then entered the house.  He set his boots by the door and then stripped off his heavy outer coat.  "A few more days on the barn, and we'll be done.  Then we can start on your storage shed."   
   
Jensen shook his head.  "You're determined to work hard through the winter, aren't you?"  He tugged off his coat and boots, hanging them up in the mud room and then moving through to the kitchen.  "The stew has to cook for a few hours, so I'll get it started while you get in the shower to warm up."

Jared smiled and poked Jensen teasingly in the side.  "I am determined to make you happy in every way I can."  
   
"Then I'd have to say I am a very lucky man indeed," Jensen responded, tickling Jared lightly before he started to the items together for his stew.  "Now go get warmed up!"

Jared saluted smartly and hurried off for the shower.  He wanted to chance to take care of himself and then hurry back down to spend more time with Jensen.  He wondered if that was what being in love meant.  
~~~~~~~~~~


	3. Chapter 3

Jared lay propped against a chair, looking at the Christmas tree with a dopey smile.  He held Jensen against his side with one arm and stroked the dogs, switching between them, with the other.  In the background, Christmas carols (only instrumental) played softly on the radio.  It was three days til Christmas, but Jared felt like he had gotten all the gifts he needed for a lifetime already.

Jensen snuggled against Jared's side with a smile.  Jared had taken to the added cuddling like Jensen had supposed he would, though he'd not actually brought up what had happened during the snowball fight.  If it hadn't been for the increased touching, Jensen might've imagined none of it to have happened.  "Almost Christmas, Jared."

Jared hummed happily at the thought and turned his head to kiss Jensen's forehead gently.  "This is going to be the best Christmas, Jen.  I'm so happy already."  He nuzzled Jensen's hair and sighed.  
   
"I’m happy too, Jared.  More happy than I have been in year and more happy than I had thought to be again after Jake."  Jensen snuggled closer to Jared's side.  Even if he never had more than what they already shared, Jensen would be content.

Jared froze a little at Jake's name and said tentatively, "You must still love him very much." 

Jensen smiled at Jared.  "Of course I do, he was my first love, but that doesn't mean that I cannot love again, Jared."  He pushed back slightly to see Jared's face, to reassure him that Jared had a place in Jensen's world.

Jared flushed at being so easy to read and looked away from Jensen, feeling ashamed for having wondered if Jensen could possibly love him the way he did Jake.  He told himself that he should be grateful that Jensen would accept him in his life at all, and not go asking for impossible and unimportant things. 

"Hey," Jensen said quietly, cupping Jared's cheek in his hand and turning him back to face Jensen.  "I thought we agreed that we could talk about all of this without shame or embarrassment.  You can ask me anything and I promise that I'll give you the truth, Jared.  You mean a lot to me."

Jared pressed into the gentle touch and turned to kiss his palm.  "What I want to ask is selfish and unfair," he muttered.  "I know I shouldn't be asking."

"Ask me anything.  When it comes to love, selfish and unfair aren't always off the table."  Jensen smiled softly and stroked his thumb over Jared's cheek.

But Jared shook his head and leaned his forehead against Jensen's, eyes fluttering shut.  He would be content with whatever Jensen offered him, even if it were only the scraps of love left to him after losing Jake.  It was still more than Jared ever thought to have.  And he would love Jensen with all his heart, as he deserved. 

"Tell me what's on your mind, Jared, please?" Jensen asked, closing his eyes and rolling their foreheads together gently.  He understood not wanting to have to look at someone when you asked for something, so he kept his eyes closed and tried to be as relaxed as possible for Jared.

"I am a poor substitute," Jared whispered, "for someone to love."  He stroked Jensen's arms gently, big fingers trembling slightly.  "I will try to make it up to you."

Jensen bit his lip and shook his head.  "Oh, Jared, you are not.  You are a fine man to love."  He tugged Jared even closer, turning so that he could wrap himself tightly around Jared's frame.  "And I am incredibly lucky that you are attracted to me."

Jared held Jensen tightly and rested his cheek on Jensen's head.  "I will try to be worthy of love," he said.  "I just want you to be happy."  
   
"You are already worthy of love, Jared."  Jensen hugged Jared tight.  "Why would you not think so?"

"Please, Jen, I- I don't want to explain.  I never meant to bring it up in the first place," Jared pleaded and shook.

Jensen sighed, sad that Jared wouldn't trust him.  "You don't have to to explain, Jared.  It's okay."  He pressed a kiss to Jared's temple and continued to hold him tight. 

"I want to make you as happy as he did.  I want to be that loved," Jared said and trembled.  "I'm sorry, Jen."

"Oh, Jared."  Jensen lifted his head, smiling through the pain he felt at Jared's admission.  He leaned forward and pressed their mouths together gently.  Tilting his head slightly, Jensen closed his eyes and firmly pressed his mouth to Jared's before pulling back slightly and then kissing him again.

Jared gasped a little at the first kiss and then kissed back the second time, shy and careful. He smiled when Jensen pulled away and said, "I liked that. Did I do all right?"

"You did great, Jared. Try not to think about anything or anyone else. It's us... now. kiss me how you want to." Jensen smiled at Jared, curled his hand in Jared's hair.

Jared's eyes flicked over Jensen's mouth and admired the lush curve and plump lower lip. He leaned forward and kissed him softly, a soft press together. Flicking his tongue out a little, he traced the softness.

Jensen hummed quietly in response, enjoying Jared's tentative exploration. He flicked his tongue to flutter against Jared's lips before pulling back. "See, that was perfect, Jared."

"It was?" Jared asked, ducking his head. "You tasted good... felt good, too. It's very... intimate. I have never felt anything like that... in both senses of the word."

"It can be one of the more intimate things you can possibly do." Jensen smiled softly and pressed his lips to Jared's, brushing them back and forth a few times before pulling back again.

Jared moaned softly and then leaned forward himself to press their lips more firmly together. He held longer this time and pulled Jensen closer, hands sweeping down his back. Moaning again, he cupped the back of Jensen's head.

Jensen returned Jared's kiss, flicking his tongue on the seam of Jared's lips and grasping Jared hard and tight. He pulled back for a deep breath and a soft chuckle. "So good, Jay. Use your tongue."

"How?" Jared asked. "I mean, what more?" He nuzzled Jensen's cheek and ear, before nipping lightly at the lobe.

"Just flick it lightly against mine, maybe slide it over my lower lip and then inside if you want to try that." Jensen smiled at Jared, licking at his own lips at the thought.

"Inside? Inside your mouth? Is that what you mean?" Jared looked unsure, but curious. He pressed their lips together and flicked his tongue over Jensen's again, before carefully pushing into his mouth.

Jensen opened his mouth to Jared's tongue, flicking his against Jared's to encourage him. He breathed out slightly and then sucked gently on it, pulling Jared closer and his tongue in even deeper.

Jared swayed into Jensen with a deep, guttural moan of pleasure as Jensen sucked on his tongue. He pressed more firmly inside, licking over his teeth and the roof of his mouth, before tangling their tongues together.

Moaning, Jensen pressed closer and suckled on Jared's tongue. He gripped Jared's shoulders and rocked them closer together with his desire.

Jared whined in the back of his throat and parted their mouths to pant harshly.  "Jen?  Feel... feel hot... and like my pants don't fit."

"Shh, Jay, that's normal."  Jensen pressed a light kiss to the corner of his mouth before pulling back again.  "Desire makes all of the blood in your body rush to your dick to make it hard, which is why you feel hot."  He grinned slightly wicked.  "And it's why your pants don't fit."

Jared liked the open, hungry look on Jensen's face and pressed his forehead into Jensen's neck.  "Want more, Jen.  Want to have you on top of me..."  
Jensen moaned, nodding his head and then kissing Jared hotly.  "Lay down, Jay."  He pressed Jared onto his back and then moved to prop his upper body over Jared's chest to kiss him again before slowly sliding his hips and legs on top of Jared.

Jared moaned and bucked into the slow grind of Jensen moving up and over him.  He felt completely safe, desired and loved beneath him and pressed one hand to the back of his head to pull him into more, deeper kisses.  His body responded instinctively, all spreading legs and thrusting hips.  Mind foggy with want, Jared lost himself to the ancient movement of body against body.

Unable to believe how responsive Jared was, Jensen rocked their hips together and kissed him hard and deep.  He allowed himself to simply make out with Jared, giving them both free rein to move and feel everything that was unexpectedly coming to them both.

Jared finally broke the kiss to pant and moan and press his face into Jensen's neck.  "Feels so good," he gasped.  "Never felt like this before." 

"So glad that I can make you feel this way, Jared."  Jensen panted against Jared's head, trying to catch his breath, even while keeping Jared clutched tight to his body.  "Feels so good to have you with me."

Jared smoothed his hand down Jensen's back and over the curve of his ass, squeezing that area and pulling Jensen closer.  "Is this- are we-"  He could not make his tongue work right, completely overwhelmed and dizzy from Jensen's presence.

Jensen moaned, hips jerking forward and pressing hard against Jared's in surprise.  "God, Jay.  So good... your hands on me."  He tipped his head down again and flicked his tongue and Jared's lips, begging for entrance for more.

Jared opened his mouth to Jensen's inquisitive tongue and sucked eagerly on the invasive muscle.  He ground even more into Jensen's warmth and hardness, pajama pants slowly soaking through with his eagerness.   

"Feels so good, Jay.  God, love the way you move under me."  Jensen blew out a hot breath on Jared's throat before peppering kiss on the heated skin there.  He wanted more, wanted everything with Jared, but knew that neither of them was truly ready to take that final, intimate step.  Instead, he pulled back slightly and smiled.  "Let's move to the couch, Jay.  I want to feel you pressing into me."

Jared blinked a few times as Jensen pulled back, whining slightly and reaching to pull him back down.  Finally, the words penetrated his mind, and he blushed and released Jensen.  Aching with need, he slowly pushed himself into a sitting position.  "Jen... I don't know what I am doing."

Jensen smiled and sat up next to Jared, cupping his cheek and kissing him lightly.  "Jared, try not to think so much about it... just feel and go with it.  For someone who 'doesn't know,' you were doing a real good job there."

"I was?  I am?" Jared asked, eyes wide.  He pressed into the gentle hand and smiled at Jensen.  "You are sweeping me away.  All I can do is react."

"Just go with what those feelings give you," Jensen said, kissing him lightly again and then scrambling to his feet.  "I just want to be more comfortable with you while we explore these feelings you're having."

Jared ducked his head and spoke to his feet.  "Just me?"

Jensen tipped Jared's face up and shook his head.  "No, Jared not just you, but I want you to explore what you're feeling."

"I want to explore what we're feeling," Jared said, jaw hardening stubbornly.  He slowly climbed to his feet.

"What we're feeling," Jensen conceded with a smile, tracing his fingers along Jared's tense jaw.  "What we're feeling together, with and for each other."

Jared smiled and blushed at the same time, before pulling Jensen to him and kissing him softly.  "I wanted to hear you say it.  I wanted to hear for sure that we are feeling the same thing."

Jensen smiled.  "Don't doubt that, please."

"I know that it felt like you were, that you seemed to act like it," Jared stammered.  "I just like to hear you say it... need to.  You- I've never been with anyone else, so I'm not sure."

"I'm sorry, I'll try to remember to tell you."  Jensen pulled Jared in for a kiss, fluttering them over his face.  "Come   
sit with me on the couch."

Jared moved and sat on the couch, a little uncertain and waiting for Jensen to make the first move again.  "I'm sorry for being slow."

Jensen smiled.  "How about we both stop being sorry and just go slowly with everything?"  He reached out and pulled Jared to his chest, brushing their mouths together.

Jared chuckled a little in agreement and kissed back his promise.  He traced Jensen's cheeks with gentle fingers, loving the feel of stubble over soft skin.  Finally, he removed Jensen's glasses and set them on the side table.

Blinking at Jared, Jensen waited until his vision had cleared slightly to smile.  "Hey," he whispered.  "I have want to do this with you for awhile now... please kiss me again."

Jared pressed butterfly kisses over Jensen's eyelids and forehead, before turning his head and kissing his mouth.  He used everything he had learned so far to make the kiss as passionate as possible.  Pressing Jensen back into the cushions, one of his wandering hands found a small strip of skin between his shirt and the waist of his pants and traced there.

Jensen responded to Jared's kiss, gasping for air when Jared lightly traced his bare skin.  "Jay," he breathed before pressing back in for more kisses.

Brave, Jared slid his hand further under Jensen's shirt, until the entire width rested against warm, soft skin.  He stroked slowly, not even aware he was doing it, even as his tongue took up a similar rhythm in and out of Jensen's mouth.  He whined, high in his throat and pressed Jensen even more into the cushions.

Returning Jared's kisses, Jensen pressed himself up and into Jared's body.  His skin tingled where Jared touched him, everything in him warming up and aching for more of Jared.  He tangled one hand in Jared's hair and gripped Jared's lower back with the other.

Jared dotted little kisses over Jensen's face and then slid down to target his neck, eager teeth scraping sensitive skin.  His hand scooted to Jensen's back to pull him closer for access.  "Jen," he groaned into the warm flesh of his neck,  
"Feels good, Jared.  Your hand on me is so good."  Jensen writhed underneath Jared, pressing up against him.  "Tell me what you want."

"I do not know," Jared whispered, lifting his head to look into Jensen's eyes.  "What is there?"

"We can do all kinds of things, but what does your body want... what are you feeling."  Jensen kissed him softly, trying to encourage Jared to voice his desires.

"I want to touch you," Jared said.  "Everywhere.  I want to know everything there is to know about being close to you.  I do not know how..."

Jensen smiled, pulling Jared in for a gentle, soothing kiss before he settled back again.  "Just touch me.  Don't think about what you know or you don't know... just touch and tell me what you're feeling."  He massaged Jared's head with one hand and kneaded Jared's lower back with the other.

Jared nodded and leaned back in to kiss and suck at Jensen's neck, biting down lightly at the tendons.  He slid his other hand under Jensen's shirt and soon found himself rucking it up to his armpits, so he could access more skin.  "May I take this off?  I want to see you... touch more." 

"Of course," Jensen pushed Jared back slightly and then slid his shirt up and over his head, dropping it on the ground.  "You can touch me however you want, Jared.  Take all the time you want, I like the way you put your hands on me."

Jared examined the smooth expanse of Jensen's chest, the muscles that rippled and the little brown nubs of his nipples.  He felt his mouth flood with saliva and swallowed hard, a little startled by the reaction.  Still, he reached forward and flicked one tentative finger over the small pucker of flesh at Jensen's right breast.

Jensen shuddered, moaning at the touch while he leaned back against the couch.  He could feel his skin ripple from the sensation, nipple coming erect.  "Good, Jay."

"That feels good," Jared whispered, not having been sure.  He tweaked the little nipple more firmly between thumb and forefinger and then pulled gently.  "Mine have always been sensitive... is it like that for everyone?"

"Not always," Jensen said on a soft groan.  "Jake didn't get much out of having his nipples touched."  He smiled shyly.  "It feels good, Jay.  It makes me hard."

Jared smiled and nuzzled under Jensen's neck, kissing the throbbing pulse point.  He then nosed down to kiss over the bumpy collarbone and mouth gently at the join of neck and shoulder.  "Taste good," he murmured, indistinctly.  His hands clasped Jensen's ribcage and held while he explored orally.

Jensen chuckled roughly; Jared had taken to their kisses and touching much faster and easier than Jensen had expected.  He wasn't going to mention anything for fear of scaring Jared about the fact that he was becoming lovers with another man.  Instead, Jensen simply held tight to Jared and moaned his pleasure.

Jared pulled back to smile up at Jensen again and then kissed his mouth, licking at his bottom lip.  "Are you all right, my Jen?"  
   
"Better than all right, Jared.  You have no idea how amazing you are."  Jensen pulled him in for a deeper kiss, sucking at his mouth and holding him close.

"Jen," Jared moaned into the kiss, hands sliding further down and holding Jensen's hips, pulling him tight.  "Never knew it would feel this much... didn't know it could be like this between people."

Jensen chuckled softly.  "No, Jay, there's no way to know until you feel it."  He tugged Jared down into a deeper kiss, spreading his thighs so that Jared could settle more firmly on top of him.

Jared nodded and nuzzled under Jensen's chin, siding to fit between the vee of his legs.  The hardness of their groins came back into contact, and he thrust hard a few times.  "Oh.  Oh, that feels... so good, Jen."

"Yeah, Jay, just like that."  Jensen rocked his hips into Jared's moaning and digging his fingers tight into Jared's body.  He was afraid they were moving too fast, too soon, but Jensen was helpless in the face of Jared's desire.  "Kiss me."

"What- what are we doing?" Jared moaned, but obeyed Jensen and kissed deeply.  He reached down, curious, and fitted a hand between them, just wanting to touch the hardness he could feel in Jensen's pants.

Jensen trembled.  "It's called frottage...to rub up against each other like this."  He shuddered when Jared touched him, moaning loudly and tipping his head back.

"Frottage," Jared whispered and smiled when Jensen moaned.  He explored a little with brave fingers, not knowing what he was trying to accomplish, but loving the weight and heat of Jensen.

"God Jared, your touch is so good." Jensen rocked his hips into Jared, moaning again.  The he pulled Jared closer, using his tongue to coax Jared's into his mouth so he could suckle on it.

Jared scrambled suddenly at Jensen's pants, wanting them off, wanting to see.  "Please, Jen," he babbled between kisses.  "Help."

Jensen caught Jared's hands in his, stilling them.  "One second," he breathed and then fumbled his pants open, spreading them so that Jared could touch him.

Jared stared at Jensen's erection, eyes as wide as physically possible.  He reached out and touched the very tip, where moisture leaked out.  Spreading some on his fingers, he lifted them to look at it, sniff and then delicately taste.  It   
was a dose of pure Jensen, the most primal part of him.

"Oh christ," Jensen said, watching Jared and then slamming his eyes shut.  He couldn't possibly take the sight of Jared tasting him, not with his face so innocent and expressive.

Jared pulled his hand back and stared at Jensen.  "Shouldn't I do that?" he asked, voice a little scared.  "Was that bad?"

Jensen shook his head.  "God, please do it again, Jared.  Feels so amazing."  He forced his eyes open so that Jared could see how badly he wanted it again.

"Oh."  Jared beamed and reached down to trace his fingers more firmly over Jensen, before wrapping a big fist around him, just to see how much would fit.  He pumped up and down, the way he liked to do to himself.

Trembling, Jensen moaned and tipped his head back again.  He pressed his hips up against Jared's touch while reaching out and holding tight to Jared's shoulders.  "God, Jared... so good, you make me feel unbelievable."

Pleased and proud that he seemed to be doing something right, Jared continued to stroke up and down Jensen's cock, watching as more liquid dribbled and oozed out the slit.  He felt his mouth water some more and leaned forward without thought to inhale Jensen's scent and then lap at the drips.

"Jared!" Jensen cried out and shook, arching into Jared.    "I'm going... god, if you do that, I'm going to come."  He did everything he could to hold back, not wanting to surprise Jared.

"Come?  Oh, you mean finish?" Jared asked, staring at Jensen and wishing he knew more about love-making.

"Yes," Jensen asked, panting harshly and trying to calm himself down.  He tugged Jared in close, kissing him deeply.

Jared thought that sounded like a perfect idea, so even as Jensen kissed him, he returned to stroking and touching Jensen's cock in all the ways that seemed to be leading to his coming.  His own cock throbbed against the seam of his pants, and Jared wondered if Jensen would even need to touch him to make him finish.

Jensen moaned loudly, responding to Jared no matter how much he tried to hold back.  Instead, he nipped at Jared's lower lip and finally came, spilling into Jared's hand on a cry.  He arched his back and held tight to Jared's shoulders.

Something large and joyous erupted in Jared's chest when Jensen spilled his seed between them, making a mess of them both.  He pressed swift, loving kisses all over Jensen's face and throat, murmuring, "So beautiful, Jen.  You're so perfect.  I love you so much."

Clinging to Jared, Jensen panted and struggled to get his breath back.  He smiled at Jared's declarations of love, only wishing they were not in the heat of the moment.  Jensen finally pulled Jared up for a deep, thorough kiss.  "That was amazing, my Jared."

"Yes, you are," Jared breathed and nibbled on Jensen's lower lip as they kissed.  He pressed his own hardness against Jensen, knowing he would go over the edge with little work at all.

Jensen moaned softly.  "Let me?" he asked.

"Please," Jared moaned and pressed even more into Jensen.  "Want your hands on me.  Want to be touched.  Only by you."  
   
"Shhh, I promise this'll be so good."  Jensen kissed Jared and then eased him back until he was leaning against the other end of the couch.  He slid his hands up Jared's chest, pushing his shirt up and then over his head before leaning down and trailing his lips over Jared's chest.

The first brush of Jensen's lips on his chest, and Jared threw his head back and moaned like he was dying.  He grabbed the sofa cushions and held on, too afraid he might hurt Jensen if he grabbed him.  "Please."

"So gorgeous, Jared."  Jensen slid down a bit and flicked his tongue over Jared's nipples, remembering the comment he'd made about them being sensitive.  "Taste good, too."  Reaching down, Jensen cupped his hand around Jared's cock, squeezing slightly at the base and holding him firmly so he wouldn't come right away.

Jared gasped and shook as Jensen stemmed the flood that was a second away from occurring from the first swipe of Jensen's tongue on his nipples.  He whined even higher in the back of his throat and struggled a little against the stemming influence.  "Jen," he panted.  "What?"

Jensen smiled and pressed a soft kiss to Jared's chest.  "I want you to have a chance to really feel this Jared.  If it's too much, just tell me and I'll let you come."

Jared reached up and traced Jensen's smile with a trembling hand and pulled him down for a soft kiss.  "I want you to take care of me, Jen."

Returning the kiss, Jensen promised, "I will."  He brushed another soft kiss over Jared's lips and then slid down to suckle his right nipple, flicking his tongue over it and then pulling it into his mouth.  Jensen concentrated for long moments on the one side before switching to Jared's other nipple and giving it the same attention.

Jared's nipples sparked and then flamed as Jensen suckled on them, making him thrash and moan under Jensen.  The pressure in his balls, the desperate need to release, approached unbearable, and Jared pawed at Jensen's back and sides helplessly.  He could not force anything coherent out of his mouth, too swept away by the attention.

"God, Jared you are so responsive."  Jensen surged up to kiss Jared thoroughly.  "Gonna make you come now," he purred, sliding down Jared's body and holding his cock up.  With a dirty grin, Jensen leaned down and sucked Jared into his mouth, while releasing his grasp at the base of Jared's cock.

Jared thought his brain would melt, as he instantly pulsed in overwhelming quantity into Jensen's wicked, perfect mouth.  He knew he must be making a horrible racket, but he couldn't hear himself over his heart pounding in his ears.  His vision whited out as every nerve ending in his body caught fire and sent shock waves of pleasure everywhere.

Jensen suckled on Jared, swallowing down all of his come and then pulling back so as not to overwhelm his sensitive body.  He reached out and stroked Jared's thighs with his hands, murmuring soft words until he could tell that Jared was slowly coming back to coherence.

"Jen," Jared whispered, voice hushed with awe, passion and love.  He reached for his lover, heart panging at the word, and kissed him softly.  "Is it always like that?"

"Not always, but a lot of the time, yes."  Jensen kissed Jared lightly and then settled onto the couch next to him.  It was a tight squeeze, but he knew that Jared wanted and needed him close.  "Some of it was because it is new to you, and some of it just always is that good."

Jared turned and pulled Jensen into him, so they were cuddled close.  He rubbed over Jensen's sides and chest and back, just wanting to feel him.  "We're lovers," he whispered, as if the entire idea were mystical.  
Jensen smiled at Jared, rubbing their noses together.  "We're definitely lovers, my Jared."

Jared tucked his head into Jensen's neck and smiled contentedly.  "I never thought I would be this close to anyone."  
Holding Jared tight, Jensen's heart broke for him.  "You will always have me, Jared.  You can count on that."

"I know," Jared said, wonder in his tone.  "You are my Christmas gift... and it's not even Christmas yet."  He pressed soft kisses to Jensen's neck and then sucked a little.

"The best Christmas in a long, long time, Jared."  Jensen tilted his head back on a quiet little moan, his eyes closing from the pleasure of being in a lover's arms.

"Do we- can we- are we going to-"  Jared babbled his way to a stop, heat flushing his cheeks again.  "Are we going to share a room?"

Jensen smiled and kissed him.  "Yes, I'd like it if you'd want to share my room and my bed with me."

"Oh yes," Jared said and peppered Jensen with more kisses.  "I want to sleep in your arms, Jen.  I've always wanted someone to cuddle with at night.  I'm a big cuddler." 

"Well, you can cuddle with me all you want," Jensen teased, pressing soft kisses to Jared's mouth.  "What an amazing Christmas, Jay."

"The season can only get better from here," Jared said.  "We'll make sure of that."  He cradled Jensen close and kissed back, his whole world finally, completely right.  
~~~~~~~~~~


	4. Chapter 4

Jared woke up slowly, aware of a warm body snuggled tight in his arms and a bone-deep contentment sunk deep in his chest.  He was home, with his lover pressed against him, and it was Christmas.  His smile might have brightened the entire sky, as he pressed a kiss to Jensen's forehead.  "Merry Christmas."

Jensen snuggled even closer with a soft, muffled grunt.  He smiled against Jared's throat and pressed a kiss there without opening his eyes.  After a beat, he managed a rumbled, “Morning.”

Jared grinned, having learned that Jensen hated getting up early in the morning, despite running a farm.  "We have livestock to look after," he reminded him with a little chuckle.

"We have us to look after.  It's Christmas," Jensen mumbled into Jared's throat, flicking his tongue out and tracing it up to Jared's ear where he nibbled lightly.

"Hey, we can't let Clarabelle and the pigs and the chickens and Dickens and all the others suffer 'cause we're enjoying Christmas," Jared protested, even as he shivered at the tongue going up his ear.

Jensen groaned, knowing Jared was right, but really not wanting to get out of bed with his lover at this hour of Christmas morning.  "Just want to enjoy our first Christmas together," Jensen breathed, "starting with loving you this morning."

"Hmmm," Jared hummed, pretending to think, and then grinned and kissed Jensen softly.  "I know how to give in graciously." 

"Oh, thank god," Jensen sighed, lifting his head and pressing a sweet kiss to Jared's mouth. He cupped Jared's face in one hand and reached down to stroke Jared's morning erection with his other hand.

Jared's chuckle morphed into a moan as Jensen worked him slowly with his lovely fingers.  He thrust slowly into the teasing hand and reached down to reciprocate.  As the days passed, he became more comfortable with how to touch Jensen.  And oh, how he loved doing it.

Jensen groaned at the touch of Jared's hand.  "Feels so good, Jay."  He leaned in for a kiss and then scooted down slightly to nibble across Jared's collarbones and down his chest to play with his nipples.

Jared huffed a little breath and slid his hands around Jensen's head. "Know I can't concentrate when you do that."

"You're not meant to concentrate, Jay. You're meant to feel." Jensen chuckled and then nibbled lightly on Jared's chest.

Jared groaned and hitched his hips lightly into Jensen. "Wanted to stroke you."

"You want me to stop?" Jensen asked, lifting his head and resting his chin on Jared's chest.

Jared ducked his head and looked sheepish. "You know what to do... always leave me in the dust."

Jensen smiled gently and rubbed lightly at Jared's side. "Is it too much? I never want to make you feel inadequate."

"I want to know I can please you as much as you please me," Jared said. He nuzzled at Jensen's nose and kissed him softly. "I feel unequal to that."

Pressing a kiss to Jared's mouth, Jensen pulled back a little. "Jared, don't ever think you don't please me. You give me so, so much pleasure."

Jared traced Jensen's cheeks and nose with a finger and smiled a little. "Can you let us be equal right now?"

"Of course. What would you like?" JEnsen asked, eager to make Jared feel better about their lovemaking.

"I just want us both to touch, at the same time, the way we started," Jared said and pressed his forehead against Jensen's. "Once you take over, I can't do anything anymore."

Jensen nodded. "Anything you want, my Jared. You only have to say." He leaned in and kissed Jared again, gently. "Touch me.

"But do you want that, too?" Jared asked, suddenly scared that he'd offended or hurt Jensen.

"Yes, always. I want you to touch me... I love your hands on me." Jensen pulled Jared in again for another kiss.

Jared kissed Jensen and sought assurance and affirmation in the kiss. He reached back down to touch Jensen's cock lightly and then gripped the head in his big hand.

Jensen moaned against Jared's lips, hips rocking forward into Jared's touch of their own accord.

"Touch me, too," Jared whispered against Jensen's mouth. "Want this together, Jen."

Smiling, Jensen reached out and touched Jared's chest and his sides. He took his time before slowing curling one hand around Jared's cock and stroking him lightly.

Jared groaned and pressed into Jensen's hand. "So good, Jen. Like doing this together. Love you."

"Feel so good together, Jared. Your hands on me are intoxicating." Jensen twisted his fist over the head of Jared's cock before sliding back to the base.

Jared groaned and thrust even more into the prefect pleasure of Jensen's hand, trying not to lose the movement of his own. Jensen always made his body sing with pleasure, so he could not concentrate on anything else.

Jensen moaned again, head tipping back when Jared touched him just so. He stroked his lover's cock, slow and sure, doing his best to keep them on an even level.

"Jen, I'm close," Jared whispered, almost ashamed by how swiftly his body responded to Jensen's attentions. "Wanna come."

"Then come for me, Jared. Show me how much you love my touch," Jensen rocked his hips into Jared's grip and continued to stroke him slow and steady.

When Jensen voiced it like that, Jared had no choice but to let go. He came with a few breathy moans and his face pressed into Jensen's.

Jensen stroked Jared through his orgasm, holding him close and murmuring words of encouragement and praise. He loved, so dearly loved, the way that Jared just melted in his arms.

Jared panted himself back to enough coherency to smile at Jensen and kiss him softly. "You always do that to me."

"That's a good thing. I am glad that you find my touch so pleasurable." Jensen kissed Jared back.

Jared bit a little at Jensen's lower lip and forced himself to refocus on making Jensen come. Again, he had been unable to keep pleasuring his lover once Jensen started touching him. He wanted to badly to be equal in this, to be able to keep pace with his more experienced partner, but he never could.

"So good, Jared," Jensen moaned, his head tipping back again and his body moving into Jared's. Clutching at the sheets, Jensen breathed sharply in and shuddered while his body prepared for his orgasm.

Jared hitched Jensen closer, wrapping his free arm around Jensen's waist. He kissed him earnestly, tongue flicking against Jensen's. He wanted to feel Jensen lose it completely in his arms. "Please, Jen, show me."

Jensen returned Jared's kisses, moving his arms to clutch at Jared tightly. He rocked his hips into Jared's touch. "So close, my Jared. Love your touch, love the way you make me feel," Jensen groaned.

"Do you need something else?" Jared asked. "Something more?"

"Kiss me, please," Jensen requested, arching into Jared's touch with a whimper.

Jared obliged the request happily, sinking into the kiss as he continued to stroke Jensen's cock. He tried the twist at the head which he enjoyed so much and focusing on the sensitive spot just beneath.

It didn't take Jensen long with the combination of the kiss and Jared's large hand stroking up and then twisting over his cock. He shuddered, moaning into Jared's mouth and then splashing over between them.

Jared continued to kiss Jensen and moved his hand to rub the evidence of their releases into both their skins. He traced over Jensen's nipples and tweaked the right gently. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, my Jared." Jensen said, opening his eyes on a contented smile.

Jared echoed Jensen's smile, unable not to and kissed him again. When he finally pulled away, his hands still stroked Jensen's back, and he said, "I don't know if I can get a better Christmas present."

"Me either. I'd never hoped to have someone in my life again and yet here you are." Jensen kissed Jared lightly. "It's a miracle of the season."

"Did you want someone else in your life?" Jared asked, tracing the knobs of Jensen's spine and then cupping his ass, the gesture oddly protective.

Jensen nodded. "Yes, though I loved Jake very much, my Jared... I have wanted someone else to share my life and my love with."

Jared smiled and kissed Jensen, peppering his face with little pecks and then over his pulse point. "I have always wanted someone to love. I never figured it wold be a man..."

Chuckling, Jensen smiled shyly. "I am not surprised. I do not think any of us expects that as we grow up."

"Mama said we love who we love," Jared said, "and not to be afraid to love." He smiled back at Jensen. "I was afraid to love you."

"You were?" Jensen asked, a bit surprised by Jared's admission.

"I thought you were still completely in love with Jake and could never desire another." Jared nuzzled under Jensen's chin and kissed there. "After papa died, there were people who tried to court mama, who wanted to love her and give her life happiness again, but she never wanted to love again."

Jensen nodded. "I can understand that, but your mama had probably been with your papa for a long time, right? And she'd loved him a long time." He bit his lip, not wanting to sound selfish. "I loved Jake, will always love him in a way, but I did not want to be alone for the rest of my life."

"I wished mama would have tried to let someone else love and take care of her," Jared said. "She deserved it." He cradled Jensen closer and settled his chin in Jensen's hair. "You deserve to be loved, too."

"As do you." Jensen nestled into Jared's arms. "You deserve all of the love someone can offer... so, I will try to be worthy of giving you that much love."

Jared sighed and shut his eyes, basking in Jensen and the moment. Finally, he pressed another kiss to Jensen's forehead and said, "We need to get up."

Jensen chuckled. "We do... responsibility calls." He tilted his head up to kiss Jared soundly before slowly extracting himself from Jared's arms and the bed. "Shower with me?" he asked, holding his hand out.

Jared followed Jensen right out of the bed and pulled him back into his arms. He sucked at his right ear and then kissed him again. "All right, now we can go."

Laughing outright this time, Jensen wrapped himself around Jared and held on tight. "Then, when the work is done, we can move all of your things into the master bedroom and retire there for the rest of the day."

Jared blushed a little and shook his head. "On the couch by the tree, listening to carols?" he asked, all big, hopeful eyes.

"Anything you would like, Jared." Jensen cupped a cheek in his hand. "This is to be a day we both enjoy."

"I do want to move my things into your room, though," Jared said with a blush. "I want to spend all night in the master bedroom with you."

Jensen smiled. "Not my room...it's our room."

"Our room," Jared whispered and flushed all the way to his roots,

"Ours," Jensen repeated, kissing Jared softly.

Jared smiled and then lifted Jensen in his arms and spun him around. "Our room!”  
~~~~~~~~~~

Jared sprawled across the couch, Jensen tucked against his chest. He stroked down his back and listened contentedly to the carols on the radio. "I'm going to miss this."

"Miss what?" Jensen asked. "We can easily spend some nights curled up here on the couch."

"The carols," Jared said, dropping a hand to pet Sadie and Harley, who sat next to the couch. "The tree." He blushed and pressed a kiss to Jensen's crown.

"Ahhh, the trappings of Christmas." Jensen smiled and nuzzled at Jared's chin. "We can leave the tree up a bit longer if you want, Jared. I have never taken one down before January before."

Jared nodded and tightened his hold on Jensen. "It has been so long since I had a real Christmas, that I hate to see this one go. Especially such a special one." He maneuvered until he could kiss Jensen softly.

Jensen returned the kiss, gentle brush of lips on lips. "But we have so much more to look forward to Jared... a whole life together and experiencing it all one day at a time."

Jared's eyes fluttered shut, and he whispered, "A lifetime," before shivering and hugged Jensen closer. "Oh Jen, I want every minute of that with you."

"You'll have it... I promise." Jensen kiss Jared more thoroughly, sealing the promise.

Jared stroked over Jensen's back and held him tight. "I know, Jen. I want to be with you." He smiled and nuzzled Jensen's cheek.

Jensen closed his eyes and let Jared cradle him close. He knew there'd be some bumps in the road while they worked out a life together, but Jensen was looking forward even to that.

"Jen," Jared whispered, "I made a wish last year, on Christmas. I wished for a home and a friend."

"Did you?" Jensen smiled and nuzzled into Jared. "It looks like maybe that one came true then."

"Have you ever wished for anything on Christmas, Jen?" Jared asked.

Jensen shook his head. "Not since I was a kid."

Jared frowned and straightened, pulling Jensen up with him. "Well, now is the time to start," he said. "So, think of something to wish for."

"I shall, but I cannot tell you or it won't come true," Jensen teased, leaning in and up to kiss Jared's lips.

"Aw," Jared said and pouted at Jensen. "Fine. I guess I won't tell you either."

"That is okay - I should rather our wishes come true." Jensen trailed his finger over Jared's pouted lip.

Jared sucked Jensen's finger in his mouth and worked it for a moment. When he was sure it was dripping, he released it with a saucy grin. "I have something for you."

Jensen blinked at the change in mood. "You do?" he asked, grinning widely.

Jared nodded and pulled him into a kiss. "It's not much."

"It's everything," Jensen asserted, hoping that Jared would like the small token he'd gotten him.

Jared blushed and carefully untangled himself from Jensen. He went under the tree and removed something from the far back, carrying it over to Jensen. "I hope you like it."

Jensen took the gift, smiling at Jared. "There's no doubt." He slowly unwrapped the gift, turning over the frame and gasping quietly at the picture inside. "That's you isn't it? A wee boy Jared."

Jared blushed and nodded, head ducked low. "I was ten when that was taken. Trying to be all grownup for mama."

"It is darling, Jared. Are you sure you wish to give this to me?" Jensen held it closely, pleased that Jared wanted him to have a part of his past.

"We're family now, Jen," Jared said softly. "I want you to have this of mine, to show that we belong to each other. I wish I had more to offer, but that's about all that's left."

Jensen pulled Jared in and kiss him deeply. "You have offered me so much more than I could have hoped. You have offered yourself." He kissed Jared again and then held him in close. "Thank you for the gift, my Jared."

Jared nodded and burrowed into Jensen, pushing him back into the couch. "You offered me a home, Jen. So much more than I have to give you."

"Don't argue. A house is a building, a home is what we are creating together." Jensen kissed Jared before pushing him up again. "I have a gift for you."

Jared sat up fast at that announcement and beamed at Jensen. "You do?"

Jensen smiled shyly. "I do. Wait here." He kissed Jared and then made his way out of the living room and to their mud room. He'd hidden the gift there after Jared had already come in from their chores. Carrying the wooden case into the parlor, Jensen bit his lip and then set it on Jared's lap.

Jared looked at it and traced the lines, enjoying the rough hewn wood and looked up at Jensen with a smile, before opening the lid. He gasped at the tools inside, plus the gloves, items you gave to a partner, someone who would be working at your side. He dug the gloves out and tested their warmth and strength, before pulling Jensen into a kiss.

Sighing in relief that Jared seemed to like his gift, Jensen slid into the kiss with a soft moan before pulling back to look at Jared. "Except for the gloves, those are all tools from the farm... I wanted you to have your own as you have developed your own place here in my life."

"I understand," Jared said and lifted his arms to pull Jensen into a hug. "I understand, Jen. It means I belong here, with you."

"Yes, you do. This is our home now... you're as much a part of the fabric of this land as I am." Jensen hugged Jared tight, burrowing his nose into Jared's throat.

Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen and hugged him tight. "I love you, Jen. I love what we are building here. What we will build together."

"Together we will build our life, Jared. A long, happy life." Jensen smiled and pressed a kiss to Jared's cheek

Jared turned his head to kiss Jensen and suffused all his love into the embrace. He held him close and smiled into the kiss when the radio began to play 'O Holy Night.'


End file.
